What am I doing? What am I doing? How am I helping this?

black and white photograph of a pathway through flattened long grass
Photograph by Chris O'Brien

It was just like we were stuck in this now, this force field of now, we can't see behind it. We can't even imagine what two weeks ago were like 'cause for a while, it was so totally different. Could you imagine going into a crowded movie theater right now?  We can't imagine that. We can't imagine forward, like we don't understand this historical moment, we just don't understand that. There's some things we do not know and we cannot understand it, these invisible forces. It's difficult for us to know what's gonna happen in two weeks, let alone two months, let alone twelve months. 

There's no axis that defines a current moment that isn't fraught with incredible things. Climate change, the fire. Any of these things alone would be a news story for a week, an endless thing that would have our concentration, and we'd be sending off aid. But now it's like, "Oh, yeah, the West is completely burning into a huge carbon dump into the atmosphere." So there's all these feedback loops that are coming... 

I find that as an artist it's like that, it just really made me rethink my own work… Sometimes I feel like, "What am I doing? What am I doing? How am I helping this?"

Kathy McTavish



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